The Power of Love.

it's been awhile since i come online. i didn't wanted to. because i didn't know what to do. anyway i've been thinking a lot lately. and i was thinking about life. i think life is weird, when think you think something won't happen, it will. and when you think it won't, it will. it's like all of it is invert. 

Love,

L - Lust, 

when loving someone. there is always been a silent moment fill with lust.

O - Only one, 

the moment of loving someone whenever he/she is you're or not. 

they'll still be the only one.

V - Venom, 

when the love of kiss comes. it's like a venom. 

you feel it flowing through your entire body till it reaches the heart.

E - Evocative,

 the strong image, memories or feeling you have.

I feeling an emptiness inside of me. 

the love in me is missing. 

it's because my heart is turning black.

hopefully someone can save it in time.

I still miss her.

Joe

24th.

24th.

Is one of the best moment i have in my life. went to a concert at billboard night club last night. it was amazing. damn! i want to go again. saw my favourite band perform. the line is really ridiculous now. so i'll upload my pictures tomorrow soon. 

stay tune. cheers!

Jodee.

Cutting.

Today we start cutting mannequin's head  in our class. it's name is call Angie. lol. anyway part of that, i finish pretty quick cause i already know how to cut. it's call solid form. but as if you know what is it? lol. Caddy made me mop the salon. because i ran away when she ask me to sweep the floor during lunch. damn it! but it was all good. = D 

The fridge in my place broke down. it stop working out of sudden and i'm trying to finish the chocolate milk which is 3 litters and 6 sticks of ice-creams as fast as possible. anyone want one? be my guess. i'm fill already and i'm going to be fat soon.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boooy! today is 23rd already. so tomorrow i'll be going to billboard night club for the concert! can't wait. damn! i'm going to see Lamb Of God, In Flames, and Unearth LIVE! yea! will snap picture to blog on. and i'm going to make Paul jealous. hahaha!

I just finish watching a movie with Michael and my sister. it wasn't a really good show. it was just okay. it's really complicated tho. it's call The Internationals. don't watch in the cinema. waste of money. -.-" Been waiting for her to reply my text since since she said she will when she chat with me just now. it's been 6 hours since she told me and my phone still stays in silent. she told me she'll doing a very important assignment. so i don't want to bother her. hmmm. wander what is she doing now. not even 30 minutes to text me and say hi? what are you doing? been waiting for my message? i'm still waiting. hopefully she'll text sooner or come online. 

= (

signed,

joE   

It doesn't hut a bit. -.-

Woke up about 7.30 this morning. got up, wash up and have a morning shower as usual and got ready for class. half way walking i realise i forgot to bring my uni's "kau pai". didn't really bother cause there's  a test and i'll be late if i go back and take it. it was fine. so i'm not suppose to sit for the test. but i still did. lol. James said it's fine. just don't get caught or you'll be sent home. 

anyway what's special about today is umm.... not special exactly but just something new. i pierce my left ear. lol. i ask you sure gays are on the right than she said "yes i'm very sure!" so i carried on and pierce it. i've to keep the steel thing on for 6 weeks. -.- but it's fine. lol. i don't mind. it doesn't hurt a bit. i don't know why people keep saying it hurts to get your ear pierce. mine's fine. = P

I've to go to sleep now.

 Cheers people!

jOel.

It's a decide decision. My rule.

It's the End.

It's Decide.

I've been a Fool.

By living behind a Mask.

The V for Valentine.

It was a total laugh. = D

That day. On the very valentine's day. I had a smile. She tell me she'll come online when i ask her to have a online date with me few days back. She promise she will. I ask her. Did anyone ask you out for a date? She said "yes, a few guys did. But i'm deny all. I told them i already have a date." I thought she was talking about me. I was just being cool about it. Didn't ask who's that lucky guy. 

But on the day come, we were still texting the whole day. Well not when i'm working. Because i'm not allowed to. After i finishing  working, it was around 10.37pm here in aussie. I took a tram back. A girl came and sit opposite me. She was holding a bunch of tulips. I ask "is that tulips? It looks lovely." she replied "yes, some guy gave it to me." i smile and said "my ex loves tulips." 

When i got down from the tram. I saw so many couples walking around with flowers. I pass by a flower stall, surprisingly it's not close yet. And it's 11am already. I walk in and ask for a single tulips. The lady ask "is it for someone special? You sure are lucky, this is the second last tulips i have." I said "yes, some one very special indeed. thank you." i left the stall. and that moment i texted her and ask. "where are you now. what are you doing?" it was 7pm in msia. she replied "i'm in the hospital visiting mama." i replied her and said something like i'll be waiting for you online. she didn't replied after that. 

When i was home. i was alone. my sister and her husband when on a date too and they came back very late. all i did was on my laptop and stare at the tulips. it was so pretty. i never thought flowers are really that pretty. now i know why she like tulips so much. i waited and waited. i feel like calling her. but i don't have any phone card left. i did not sleep until 5 something in the morning. 

Later the next day. I didn't want to talk to her. I just try not to look at my phone as much as possible. I went down and had some puffs. And i gave my tulips to one lady by the street. she was a bagger. i told her. my date didn't show up and this is for you. she was so happy. and she said "God bless you young boy." End of it. i came home and I on my laptop. i saw her in msn. i nudge her ask why she didn't appear online yesterday. she say she didn't know i was expecting her. she said all i need is my malay gf. and she told me last night i went on a date. i stood silent.

So much for a valentine. even if i don't believe in valentine. i didn't know it's gonna be so bad.

My word for the V day.

"While i waited with a single white tulips, she receive a bunch of tulips. Single is nothing compare to a bunch. why bother about the single when you can have a bunch?" 

that how my valentine when. how bout yours? hehe. 

Nkj.

The foggy scene.

So lost. Feels like i'm standing in the foggiest place.

Where you can't even see who's standing right in front of you.

I don't know what am i feeling now. I'm so lost. I know what i want. But it seems that what i want is not what i really wanting it for. My smiles and laugher is just a mask. The time when i take off my mask is the time when i lie down in my bed,  looking at my phone. It usually beeb at that moment. But recently after valentine's day, it stop. I wonder, does she ever bother to send a text to me? Is she really that busy? Or she's just waiting for me to text her first? But she already know i won't text her because i already told her it's expensive here. Sometimes i wish i never knew. Sometimes i wish i never heard or seen. 

If i ask God for a wish. i wonder will he grant it? i wish when i kill myself this minute. i'll won't directly go to hell but turn into a ghost or sprit. So i'm there every moment. Sometimes i wish i'm just a ghost and i can just stay just by her side. Looking at her every moment of my time. I just wish and wish and wish. 

Some people might believe it, some people don't. I think sometimes when you sneeze without a reason, is actually someone you love is missing you. And it been awhile since i last sneeze. I know it sounds silly but ever since she don't really talk to me, i stop sneezing. Even though the weather here is kinda cold and windy but i still don't sneeze i use to sneeze every single day without a miss in the morning. It stopped, totally stop. Have the feeling fade from her?

Is it true when it hurts, all you do is find a replacement to un-love the person you love? Like a friend to hang out with, to share with, to talk to. I'm just wondering. Actually coming to that point, i don't actually have that kind of friends. Not anymore. I thought they were. There's a person i would really want to hug and cry to right now. But she's so far from me. I want to rest, i need to rest, i have to rest, and i must rest. But the resting place is no where to be found. Not anymore. 

I'm so sick of my life now. If only she's here. Everything would be perfect. But it's not going to be. So i still have to bare with this sick and lonely life of mine. Hopefully now in melbourne, I'll get to find someone i can trust. But not to love. Because the one i love still remains the same. It won't fade, it's in a box, deep deep down where all my darkest secrets are. I still will carry on. Till i reach my goal. This is just a chapter of my life. But it's one important chapter that will leave with me forever.

"Tiny heart, stuck inside yourself. When will you open up for me? 
I love you so, wanna meet you again. Before one of us must go." 

                                                                                    by Flyleaf

Joe.

Test is over. *phew*

and there's Caddy teaching.

this is Vi and Ai. haha.

what a name. -.-

this is Ryew.

everybody's doing assessment.

Just finish my test and assessment. Caddy said i pass. weeee!!

Class is always fun with Caddy. She's very funny and adorable. 

there's another test on Sat with James. haih.

wish me luck!

sign out.

Joe.

Missing Deeply Inside A Broken Heart.

The aching pain that i still can't let go.

i don't want to lie to myself that i don't miss her. 

some how i still miss her.

nothing can replace that.

I feel eyelashes on my cheek,

And they lacerate my flesh.

A pain so good.

And put your hand in mine,

Never let go. 

Never wake up,

'Cause I'm done with promises.

I'm taking blood oaths.

Feels like you could kiss,

my imperfections.

My imperfections away,

And I would stand.

Stand by your side. 

Until the sun turns the sky, 

All the colors I see in your eyes. 

And I'll never need to see the sun again. 

There's enough light in your eyes. 

To light up our little world. 

So take me,

Take me away. 

Kill me slowly, 

I'll never be the same. 

And I swear to you. 

On everything I am. 

And I dedicate to you,

All that I have.

And I promise you, 

That I will stand right by your side. 

Forever and always, 

Until the day I die. 

The bite marks on my neck, 

Never felt so good.

I'm losing control.

And it's all that I can do,

Not to blackout.

Fall into lust with you.

Your kisses infect me.

The dark gift is loving you.

And I feel immortal. 

And I want to make you feel the same. 

So stand by me.

As we immolate. 

We can burn in each other's arms.

still new.

hmmmm.

it's all mix under one class. all around the world.

thailand, korean, chinese from china, south african, british, japanese, india. 

and more i guess. haven't met all of them but most of them are koreans. = )

so this is how my class look like.

i'll snap more soon. = )

new.

new blog.

new apartment.

new collage.

new city.

new place. 

new desktop.

new environment.

new shoe.

new work.

new friends.

new tv.

new wii. 

new ps3.

new bank account.

new phone. 

new room.

new bed. 

new songs.

new movies.

new etc.

most of all

new life.

Joe.